Random Tuesday thoughts

1. Hopefully this afternoon/evening, my bff K will be holding her new baby girl. This is after three very rough and tumble boys. And hopefully, I'll be able to be there with her and get to nuzzle her too. (The baby, not K. Although there IS something about childbirth that makes me want to nuzzle everyone in the room, soooo...)

2. So after much hoopla and crap and hatred, I'm moving to a different store for my job. Honestly, I think they're trying to make me quit. They've suddenly said they can't have as many part-timers as they do, so a few people have to go. Which, fine, whatever. I suppose that should be enough to make me quit, but I plan on keeping this job until I decide I'm done. So if they really want me to go, they'll have to fire me. Muhahahaha.

3. I should probably devote a whole post to it, but you know, I like these hit and run kinda posts. I think it's called " laziness," but that's irrelevant.  I gave Oscar dog back to my sister.  She wound up not moving out and could still keep him, and frankly, I think it was probably for the best.  Having him here was a good test run for having a fourth child.  He was a bit like a really ill-behaved two-year-old, and hey, I've already got one of those!  We miss him dearly, but we still get to visit with him.  When the kids are old and I don't feel like I'm flying apart into a million pieces, we'll try to get another puppy.  Probably.  Maybe.

4. Anytime I want to say the word "irrelevant," I want to pronounce it "irREVelant." And then I feel really stupid.

5. My mom gave me a really pretty milk glass vase a couple of weeks ago, and I had grand ideas about always having fresh flowers in it sitting on my kitchen table. I guess I haven't priced fresh-cut flowers lately, but this will not be happening every week because they're freaking expensive. I bought four chrysanthemums last night for $4. If these make it a week and I replace them, that's $16 a month. It's like another damn bill, for crying out loud. And what I really wanted were the pretty colorful springy bouquets that went for $10.

6.  You should totally vote for me for Best Local Blog on Parents Connect.  Since posting about it yesterday, I'm up %5!  Which is completely awesome.  I heart you guys.

For Local Blog
in Indianapolis

If you're feeling irrevelantly random, you should stop by Keely's.  She's the queen of random, and she also makes that nifty button at the top.  Go on.  She'll totally let you borrow it!

Random Tuesday thoughts

1. Ahhh, randomness. It's lovely.

2. I am D. O. N. E. with school. Until the beginning of June, anyway. But the ugly classes are over. I wound up with a B in Anatomy, and I'm actually really pleased with that. Sure, my once perfect 4.0 is now a 3.8, but it's fiiiiine. Really. Super.

3. Who knew that over-achievement could start in your thirties?

4. I miss blogging. Hell, I miss a lot of things. Everyone should use me as a lesson and finish all schooling before you have children and a mortgage.

5. I switched from Firefox to Google Chrome recently, and I really like it. But you wanna know what's just stupid? You can't have the Google Toolbar with Chrome. WTF, Google? Should that just automatically come with the package?

6. Since I'm not a supervisor at work anymore, I've been manning the drive-thru more often. Can I please just suggest that when you drive up to a speaker that you roll your window down? Like all the way down. I know! It's crazy of me to ask. BUT I CAN'T HEAR YOU, DUMBASS.

7. Also, when you ask for extra whipped cream, you do know that I'll have to give you less drink, right? Sure, I can pile it on, but I imagine you'll be unhappy because I can't top your hot drink with a lid. And you might spill it on your Hummer's leather seats. Asshole. And sorry, I thought you were an asshole as soon as I saw you drive up in a Hummer. And yes, I am thinking your penis is small. Sorry.

8. I took my younger two with me yesterday to the grocery store. No, I don't know what I was thinking. But for future reference, taking a two and three-year-old to the grocery store by yourself is much like taking to wild octopi with you. They suddenly sprout six extra arms and are constantly ruining whole aisles of the store. Lesson learned.

9. And finally, I had to hide the bag of Flavor Blasted Goldfish from my children, and I'm sorry. But oh em gee, the mozzarella cheese stick flavored ones are much, much too good for them. Don't worry, I'll let them have all the fruit snacks though.

What I've been doing the past almost three weeks

1. Painting Smella's toenails. I picked a soft, pale-pink and she balked and insisted on the whore red shade. I won out.

2. Working. All the time. Still dreaming of the place burning to ashes.

3. Finishing up loose ends for school. I have an anatomy final in two weeks and one more paper to write for sociology. Can. Not. Wait. Until. It's. Over.

4. Celebrating the husband's 33rd birthday. I not-so-secretly enjoy that he'll always be older than I.

5. Fretting over not posting. Fretting over having nothing to post about. Considering never posting again.

6. Cutting myself some slack on the blog thing and getting a grip.

7. Hyperventilating about the fact that I'll soon have a two-year-old next month.

8. Enjoying the weather. I briefly considered rolling in the warm grass and soaking in as much sun into my pores as possible.

9. Deciding the neighbors don't really wanna see that.

10. Sucking it up and finally posting. Hope y'all are okay. I think I'm finally seeing a faint, tiny light at the end of the tunnel.

Random Tuesday thoughts

1. Even though Keely doesn't, I have to center that button above. Have. to.

2. Did you all see Dooce on Oprah yesterday? Did you hear them mention she makes 40 grand a month in adverts? I would kill to make that in a year, people. My blog is just as good as her's, right guys? Guys? Hello...?

3. It rained all day long on Sunday, and wouldn't you know it, Oscar hates rain. As in, he would just stand still in one spot outside until he was soaked, and no amount of, "Go potty. Go potty. Go potty. Go Potty" would make him budge. Which is fine, awww, cute, the puppy hates the rain. But then he came in and shit on the floor. It stopped being cute then.

4. Incorrect use of punctuation annoys me. There's a pet store here called Pet Supplies "Plus." Like they don't really mean "plus." Or, yeah, it's "plus" all right. Snicker, snort, snicker.

5. For lunch, I had TGI Fridays. I ordered some kind of steak sandwich that was absolutely heavenly until I bit into a fried plantain. Mushy, sweet plantain with chewy, spicy beef. I just urped thinking about it again.

6. Guys? Right?

Listy McListerson

1. I'm still here. Barely.

2. I had to drop my math class because when I went to double check the ASN curriculum, the math I was taking no longer fulfilled the requirement. I was a little more than happy to.

3. It's hard, going back to school, three kids, blah, blah, blah. But it is and will be so beneficial to this whole family. The added income once I'm a RN will be great, but the kids watching me do this is the real bonus. I took Big D with me to drop that math class, and he was in awe and had so many questions. I answered all of them and then some. Brainwashing starts early up in this house.

4. The husband pondered which sounds better: President Obama or former President Bush. Either one makes me so giddy I could cry.

5. Something that has been making me giggle all week: When asked where something is, like a sippy cup or his blankie, Boobers points all haphazardly and says, "Dere." Also cute if not a little disconcerting: Big D and Smella playing "squirrel" where one is appointed the squirrel and the other the "keeper." Squirrel crawls around saying, "SQUEEEEEAK" while the other throws food at it. People should procreate just for that kind of shit.

Random Tuesday thoughts

1. I know, right? Maybe I'll just post on Tuesdays. It makes things easier.

2. I went to my family doctor yesterday because all last week I kept having this searing pain under my ribcage and around my back intermittently. It looks like I have a bum gall bladder, but I'll know for sure on Friday.

3. Friday was my 30th birthday, and I can't tell you the asshole 30th birthday cards they make out there. And I know, because I got like, four of them. HA HA. Real funny, guys.

4. Yesterday after the doctor had examined me, he said, "Well, in people your age..." WHAT? SAY THAT AGAIN, BITCH.

5. I may be a bit touchy.

6. I've pretty much given up eating because everything seems to aggravate my gall bladder. (Jesus. I sound like I'm 90. Next I'll be telling you about my recent bowel movements and my hammertoe). Anyway, it's almost Christmas, and what with all the fudge and cookies and ham and candy hanging around, I'm pretty sad.

7. I've taught my 19-month-old "shoo." As in, "You talkin' all crazy again. Shoo." And Smella let out a "Oh, snap!" yesterday after I threw a particularly good barb and the husband.

8. The place where I work used to put red sprinkles on their holiday pepperminty drinks. They've given them up this year, and I don't know why. But what's hilarious is when a customer came back up to the counter, took off her lid, and asked for red sprinkles. She was well over the age of six, and I told her to grow the fuck up and go away.

9. No, I didn't. I apologized and told her the chocolate shavings we use instead are just as yummy.

10. Except they aren't.

11. I'm going to quit now. Shoo.

Random Tuesday thoughts

I should've done this a long time ago, but in case Keely hasn't noticed, I can be waaay lazy. (I'm sure she has but is way too polite to say anything.) I'm also not big on following rules, so while I'm posting completely random things, they have to be numbered. I hope this doesn't get me kicked out of the RTT club. (I'm totally shortening it to RTT because it's too much to type out. See? Lazy.)

1. Our Wii came yesterday. I can foresee many sleepless nights ahead. I'm also thinking I may lose a few pounds; that boxing kicks my ass.

2. I only have a couple things to buy, but then I'm done Christmas shopping. Then all I have to do is wrap the mountainous pile of gifts. I adore wrapping presents.

3. I hate winter SO MUCH.

4. Have I mentioned I have a cat? I think I have. Anyway, she's a cat, which is why I don't post much about her. She's an old fart now, ten years old, and she spends most of her time hiding from the kids. She comes out at night when they're asleep and does cat things...like shedding, licking plastic bags, and stalking random things. She also adores curling up on anyone's lap and purring, so that's why I let her stay.

5. In three days I'll be turning 30.

6. I can't tell you how much #5 bums me out.

7. The husband informed me that he's happy I'm turning 30 so that I can be old like he is. I really sort of think he sucks sometimes.

8. I have to go study now. For a psychology final. I only need 50/150 points to get an A in the class.

9. I think I'll probably just go play Wii instead.

Listy McListerson

1. Thanksgiving was lovely, as was the turkey, despite what the husband says. And only because of the holiday did I relent and let him have a slice of tart (that sounds dirty).

2. Black Friday was lovely also, and I got a good head-start on Christmas shopping. Neither one of us was trampled or witnessed anyone being trampled, so I consider it a success.

3. I have a psychology final next Tuesday and then I'm done done done! with this semester. Amen.

4. I started a Twitter account last week. If possible, I think I suck harder at updating it than I do my blog.

5. Keely tagged me for a bookworm meme. She specifically said I couldn't use textbooks, but it really is the closest book to me, AND she really isn't the boss of me or the meme. So there. Rules state:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next two to five sentences.
5. Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book or the intellectual one. Pick the Closest.
6. Tag five people to do the same.

Sooo...

"It is this system that allows the brain and spinal cord to communicate with the sensory systems of the eyes, ears, skin, and mouth and allows the brain and spinal cord to control the muscles and glands of the body. The PNS can be divided into two major systems, the somatic nervous system and the autonomic nervous system."

Tell me that isn't fascinating.

I'm tagging the husband, Elisa, and Melanie.

Listy McListerson

1. Just a friendly reminder, once again, to leave when a place of business closes. Please don't wait for me to walk into the lobby and jangle my door keys suggestively in your direction. It's just awkward for everyone.

2. I only have about six weeks left of school in this semester. It looks like I'll be winding up with a 4.0. Hot damn. We'll see how long it lasts.

3. Big D has had a 4.0 gpa since 1st grade. It runs in families!

4. How's about Tuesday night, huh? Could it be any more awesome than that? Was I the only one pinching myself all day yesterday to make sure I wasn't dreaming?

5. Did you know the day after Halloween all the fun-size Snickers, Butterfingers, and Skittles go on sale? Did you also know they go ahead and vomit Christmas all over the fucking aisles? Hello? I think we forgot about Thanksgiving.

And again with the lists

1. Remember when K moved to the middle of nowhere a few months ago? Well, due to some unfortunate events, she's moving again. And while the reason she's moving is kind of terrible, I'm so excited because she's moving 10-15 minutes away from me. Yay! I might actually get to see her more than twice a year now. Which is good because she just found out she's pregnant with number four. Our middle and youngest children are five weeks apart each, but I told her she has to go this one alone. I'm totally with her in spirit though, especially since I'll get to snuggle and smoosh a brand new baby in a few months.

2. I finished my 1500-word argument paper for English, and I took my psychology midterm last night, so I'm done for the week. It seems weird not to have anything to do or study or write, but I'm enjoying the week of rest.

3. This blog. Gah. I want so much to keep up with it better, but I'm having a hard time doing that. I don't even really have anything exciting going on to write about, but I feel like I should check in at least once a week.

4. This list is only going to have four things on it. Completely weird and even numbered, but I can't poop out anything else. I think I may go nap instead.

Listy McListerson

1. I'm sitting here, taking a break from house-cleaning, eating a bowl of fajita lasagna. Perhaps the trashiest casserole I've ever made, but man. It's tasty.

2. You know what? I enjoy the Doodlebops. They're creepy half-puppet humanoid things, but their tunes are catchy. And that one blue Doodle? Rooney? You know he'd be HOT without make-up and puppet fingers. Rawr.

3. The husband took the day off of work to watch Obama speak in downtown Indy today. I can almost bet he only went so he could blog about it later.

4. I finally bought Halloween costumes for the kids. I actually didn't procrastinate this year, so Big D gets to be the police officer he's wanted to be for like the, oh, past two years. Wonder when the Mother of the Year awards are handed out?

5. Even though I can't be downtown watching Obama speak, I'm still totally voting for him. And unlike when I voted for Kerry, I'm actually excited to vote for him. I'd vote for whatever Democrat was nominated, but I actually like the guy and what he stands for. I can't wait for November 4.

Listy McListerson

1. I HATE Comcast with a fiery, red hot passion. I hear the other ones aren't much better--DishTV and DirectTV--but I plan on dumping Comcast just out of principle. I'm almost positive they employ the dumbest humans on the planet. "Oh, your IQ is 4? HAVE I GOT A JOB FOR YOU!"

2. We went to this place on Friday night to celebrate K's husband's 30th birthday. It was a lot of fun, and someone requested Ben Fold's "Army." Perhaps the worst version ever, but you have to give the piano guy an A for trying. I guess.

3. I had one too many mai-tais at the above mentioned place. I'm still paying the price of it. Big old wuss when it comes to alcohol? Oh, hi. That'd be me.

4. I'm on hold with Comcast right now. While I write a blog post. Did I mention I hate them? The last time I called them, which happens to have been Thursday, the person who answered was whispering. I had to say three times, "I can't hear you very well, sorry" before the chick decided to actually speak into the phone receiver/headset. And then she told me that she really couldn't help me with my problem. I Googled and found the damn solution myself. And I send in money to these people monthly. Really.

5. They couldn't fix today's problem. They'll be sending someone out on Tuesday morning. If that isn't some FINE customer service, I don't know what is.

The more you know

So Keely from The Un Mom tagged me. She also writes at A Letter to Xander. This meme totally fits in with my whole listy thing I have going, so I'm doing it. I have to list seven random things about myself and then pass it on to seven other blogs. Ready?

1. I could be vegetarian if it weren't for poultry. I really, really like chicken and turkey. I like to go to steak houses and order chicken. Screw a bunch of beef, pork and DEFINITELY fish.

2. Smella's into asking what time it is. Constantly. I confess to sometimes telling her the wrong time just because she doesn't have a clue.

3. I can deal with blood, poop and barf, but snot does me in. Like turns me into a gagging hot mess. I'm really hoping my nursing gig doesn't involve much snot.

4. If a customer is unnecessarily rude to me at work, I give them decaf. So don't order your drink and then say, "And make sure you make it right." Oh, I'll make it RIGHT, buddy.

5. I kind of want my eyebrow pierced and a tattoo on my foot. The only thing really stopping me is that they're both kind of expensive.

6. Like Keely, I'm an atheist. Unlike Keely, I'm the only one in my family. I'm also way more liberal than they are. Family gatherings are a blast.

7. I think I'm allergic to pumpkin guts. When I scoop out a pumpkin, my hand and arm get kind of burny and itchy. But I can scarf a pumpkin pie without any ill effects.

So there you go. I shall tag:

Ane
Ann
Elisa
The Husband

Okay, um, I think that's everyone I'm going to pester. I'd totally tag Dooce, but I bet she'd totally snub me. Something about 4 million emails a day or something. Cha.

Listy McListerson

1. We're going to see Ben Folds tomorrow night. BEN FOLDS. That's really all I need to say.

2. The beauty of having a husband who is smart? He helps write your research papers. The beauty of online classes? That you can have your husband help write your research papers.

3. Can we just agree that petulant, whiny little bitch Kenley needs to go home already? Did you see the "hip-hop" ensemble she whipped up? She even had LL Cool J stuttering.

4. In the span of about two weeks, Boobers has had a black eye, a huge goose-egg on his head, rug burn on his nose and upper lip, and last night I was informed he somehow fell and bit his lower lip. He's our little prizefighter. Not a winning prizefighter, mind you, but still.

5. Perhaps the only good thing about fall is candy corn. And the best thing about candy corn is that I can only eat about five pieces (or two of those pumpkin ones) before I get a little gaggy. It's like they are their own portion control! Also, at my local Target, I found caramel and chocolate candy corn. Huzzah!

5b. "Huzzah" is a real word. I had no idea.

Listy McListerson

1. This is the first season that I've watched Project Runway from the beginning. I love the show (The one where they designed for the drag queens? I couldn't love it any more.) I know I'm the last to tune into this show, but bear with me. First, Tim Gunn. I do kind of love him. He's stuffy! But witty! He just attempted "Holla at ya boy"! But the thing he does that makes me (and the husband, who is groaning because I just ratted him out) snicker wildly is "Thank yoooou!" at basically the end of every sentence. That would be a fun drinking game. I'd be trashed in the first ten minutes.

2. Secondly, why does Heidi carry a purse/bag/clutch on stage at the beginning of the show? Yes, I know she's a model. I know purses are a major accessory. But it looks like she's headed out on her way to Target, but oh first, lemme stop here, chat with these designers and "auf Wiedersehen" a model. I wish we could get rid of Heidi and replace her with Tim all the time.

3. On Friday morning, I loaded the babies into the car, buckled them in, dragged all of our various bags to the trunk, and backed out of our driveway. I heard a distinct flubbaflubbaflubba and promptly pulled back into the driveway. My tire was completely flat. Holding back tears of rage, I unloaded everything and everybody to go back inside. Smella wanted to know what the hold up was, and when I told her my tire was flat, she bent down to take a look. "Mommy! It's okay! It just needs some fresh air!"

4.

These are like crack and should carry the "can't eat just one" motto. I don't feel satisfied until I've had at least four. Sometimes one of each flavor. And I really like to let them to sit out for a bit and get a little melty so I have something to suck up at the end of one. I make sure I save the green ones for Big D. He says those are his favorite.

5. The husband and I are going to see Burn After Reading with friends on Friday. I have a baby shower Saturday morning to attend, a kid's birthday party to attend Saturday afternoon, and my mom's birthday is Sunday. Wanna know what I really want to do? Sit at home in my pajamas and vegetate in front of the TV. Preferably with an episode of Project Runway while gorging myself on Fla·Vor·Ices.

Random Monday thoughts

1. Man, this poor little blog. I've neglected her. But hey, my kids are mostly happy, the house is mostly clean, I'm mostly caught up on laundry, and I'm a week ahead in my homework. Soooo...

2. It really is the end of summer. I sent Big D to school in jeans for the first time, as opposed to shorts. I could just cry. I love fall, but the thought of battling winter that follows behind depresses me. The snow, the layers of coats, the cold temperatures. It just gets worse the older I get.

3. Also neglected? My TV shows. I'm three episodes behind in Project Runway, two behind in America's Next Top Model, two behind in that new series the husband wants me to watch, True Blood. And I'm sure it's only a couple of weeks before all my other favorites come back. Won't someone think of my television viewing?

4. K's birthday was August 27. We've still not gotten together to celebrate it. I adore her, but I'm still really bummed she moved so far away. I really, really hate being grown up sometimes.

5. The husband and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary this Friday. I have a three day weekend off of work too. I need to come up with something fun and different to do without it costing a whole lot of money. Honestly, just being alone, no kids, at a grown-up restaurant will probably be enough. We're easily amused at this house.

Listy McListerson

1. This blog, my friends, has finally come in handy. I compiled the posts of "How I met the husband" into one paper, tweaked it a little, and will be sending it in as my narrative rough draft for my English class. After it's peer-reviewed and tweaked some more, I'll send it in as my final draft. Score!

2. The husband dragged all three kids out to run errands so I could enjoy the peace and quiet and do some homework. I really do like him quite a bit. The dimples don't hurt either.

3. On a completely unrelated note, you really know it's time to shave when your fifteen-month-old starts petting your legs. Lovingly. Like they're, I don't know, a beloved dog.

4. Boobers has begun talking up a storm. His favorite thing to do is to point a chubby finger at anything and say, "Whadat?" When looking at pictures, it's, "Whodat?" I'm still not being called mama on a regular basis. His huge brown eyes framed with dark lashes is the only thing that saves him.

5. The husband just wandered through, saw that I was posting, and made some snide comment that I have three kids, work a part-time job, go to school, and yet still manage to post more to my blog than he does his. Like it's a contest or something. It's not. But if it were, I WOULD TOTALLY BE WINNING.

Listy McListerson

1. I ordered my psychology book on Monday with next day shipping. Next day after what, I don't know, because IT STILL ISN'T HERE.

2. Smella turns three on Monday. When I asked her what she wanted me to cook for her birthday dinner tomorrow, she first replied, "Chocolate cake!" I assured her there would be cake, but what about dinner? "Chicken nuggets!" So I'm making chili. I feel like it's a good compromise.

3. There was a huge store meeting at work last night. We were told that they would be cutting down on our ten minute breaks, and that we MUST start tucking in our polo shirts. a) Thanks for nothing, assholes; b) I can't believe we just had a store meeting over that stupid shit; c) Some humans should never, never tuck in their polos, especially humans with asses as large as mine.

4. Since Smella is finally three, I am SO buying her some Barbies. I'm going to try to get her one of those Kelly dolls, you know, Barbie's littlest sister. The husband maintains that Kelly is really Barbie's illegitimate daughter, a love child that everyone was so embarrassed about they had to come up with another story, but he doesn't really know.

5. My BFF, K, turned 29 on Wednesday. I talked to her Tuesday, we even talked about getting together for her birthday later. I completely spaced calling her ON her actual birthday. Totally forgot. And when I tried calling her several times yesterday to apologize for my blunder, she didn't answer. I spent most of the day sniffling around, thinking she was so mad at me she didn't ever want to talk to me again. Turns out she had just been really busy yesterday and wasn't avoiding my calls. Then she called me a big dork for thinking she'd give up on a fifteen year relationship because I'd forgotten to call. Then I called her a dork for not answering multiple phone calls and frantic text messages. We're all good again. Whew.

Listy McListerson

1. I have three children. I can't even tell you how many times I've held my baby for some nurse to poke with a needle. Today, when the otherwise very sweet nurse stabbed my fifteen-month-old's chubby, dimpled thigh two times, I wanted scream velociraptor-style and then rip her head off. SHE MADE MY BABY CRY. Apparently it never gets easier.

2. While Boobers completely recovered and is just fine now, I still used him as an excuse to get out of something I didn't want to go to tonight. If you're going to feed, clothe, and rip people's heads off for your kids, the least they can do is give you an out for something once in a while.

3. I officially start school on Monday. I'm taking seven credit hours. I already know that I'll have to do a research paper for the English class I'm taking. I'm already overwhelmed and nervous that this will cut into my blogging time. Fucking higher education.

4. Oh, and school? I don't have books yet because I'm taking online classes and the damn online classes don't show up online until the very first day of school. Look, I like procrastination as much as the next gal, but not when I've invested several thousands of dollars on something. Speaking of, WHERE IS MY STUDENT LOAN?

5. This post right here makes my 94th post. That's only six away from 100! (I did the math for those who have trouble with it, like, uh, me.) I'm thinking I'm going to have a little contest to celebrate and to make all you lurkers delurk. So keep an eye out for it, and prepare to be dazzled by fabulous prizes! (Okay, a prize, and it probably won't be SUPER fabulous. But still.)

Listy McListerson

1. I went and had my hair dyed last night. I've never had my hair professionally colored, but I sprung for some highlights. It is so freaking cute.

2. The husband would never blog about it, but he has a cold. A little head cold. The whining that has taken place in this house has been deafening.

3. This is the last weekend before Big D heads to second grade. I'm excited and sad all at once. Mostly excited. But it also means homework, deadlines, bedtimes, et cetera, et cetera. And it means fall is around the corner and then fucking winter with its ice and snow and holidays.

4. Boobers has learned to climb up on furniture all by himself. While it's kind of neat and very cute to watch him sit on a couch and feel SO proud of himself, I spend most of the day saying, "Sit down. Boobers, sit down. Sit. Sit, Boobers. SIT DOWN!" so that he doesn't fall head first onto the floor. I don't think he grasps that whole concept of gravity yet.

5. Last night, every time I wandered into the pantry to look for something to graze on, I kept smelling this...smell. Like someone had perhaps shoved a dead body in there. And then let it mold. AND NO ONE LET ME KNOW. So I spent a couple hours emptying it and wiping down walls and throwing away boxes that had three noodles left in them. The culprit? A bag with three potatoes that had been sitting on a shelf for, oh, nine years? Okay, not nine years, but I can't tell you when I bought those potatoes. I also had no idea innocent little potatoes could ever smell that bad. I'm also more than a little ashamed I don't clean out that pantry more often.