1. I know, right? Maybe I'll just post on Tuesdays. It makes things easier.
2. I went to my family doctor yesterday because all last week I kept having this searing pain under my ribcage and around my back intermittently. It looks like I have a bum gall bladder, but I'll know for sure on Friday.
3. Friday was my 30th birthday, and I can't tell you the asshole 30th birthday cards they make out there. And I know, because I got like, four of them. HA HA. Real funny, guys.
4. Yesterday after the doctor had examined me, he said, "Well, in people your age..." WHAT? SAY THAT AGAIN, BITCH.
5. I may be a bit touchy.
6. I've pretty much given up eating because everything seems to aggravate my gall bladder. (Jesus. I sound like I'm 90. Next I'll be telling you about my recent bowel movements and my hammertoe). Anyway, it's almost Christmas, and what with all the fudge and cookies and ham and candy hanging around, I'm pretty sad.
7. I've taught my 19-month-old "shoo." As in, "You talkin' all crazy again. Shoo." And Smella let out a "Oh, snap!" yesterday after I threw a particularly good barb and the husband.
8. The place where I work used to put red sprinkles on their holiday pepperminty drinks. They've given them up this year, and I don't know why. But what's hilarious is when a customer came back up to the counter, took off her lid, and asked for red sprinkles. She was well over the age of six, and I told her to grow the fuck up and go away.
9. No, I didn't. I apologized and told her the chocolate shavings we use instead are just as yummy.
10. Except they aren't.
11. I'm going to quit now. Shoo.