Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Never once mentioned in that What to Expect book

I'm totally going to be a nurse. A registered nurse. Hopefully a registered nurse on a labor and delivery floor. There will be blood and amniotic fluid and barf and poo. I'm okay with all of that, believe it or not. I mean, I'll have gloves, and I can totally handle it.

Here's where I admit my Achilles heel: snot. I have major, major issues with snot. Literal gagging with watery eyes issues. I just hope and pray that a) there's not a lot of snot on a L&D unit (And please, don't comment to tell me you deal with snot on a daily basis. I don't wanna know right now) or b) I get used to it. Fingers crossed, eh?

The other day I had all the kids in the car on our way to my mom's house. We were peacefully driving, humming along to the radio when I hear Big D say, "Smella! What is THAT?"

I glanced in my rear-view mirror at Smella. There were...smeary, viscous marks on her window. I reflexively gagged.

"Smella, what did you do?" I asked. "Did you just wipe your nose on the WINDOW?"

She nodded and then I died.

"You can't ever, ever, EVER do that!" I shrieked. And at this point, Big D is chiming in with me. Perhaps snot phobia is hereditary?

"But mom," she says sensibly, "I didn't have a Kleenex."

I may have shrieked at her a little more about grossness and responsibility and asking for a motherfucking piece of paper or grocery bag or something before doing that again. I think she got it. I hope she got it. Or I'll have to seriously consider leaving her on the side of the road the next time that happens.

Big D will help me.


Peggy said...

Ok...don't ever even think of coming to my house! You wouldn't make it!

Ginny Marie said...

I'm sure there won't be snot on an L&D unit. It totally grossed me out when I taught second grade and those little buggers would pick their noses. YUCK!

Keely said...

I can't see there being much snot in Labour & Delivery. Unless a woman punched her husband while screaming, "YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!".

(I told Paul I was going to scream that because he said he was expecting me to. Totally forgot. True story).

FoN said...

You should be pretty snot-free on L&D. Are you going to warm your patients ahead of time?

"Nice to meet you. Just so you know, I will be an awesome nurse for you just as long as you don't wipe your snot on me. Fair enough?"

Ane Fallarme said...

you made me LMAO! :) Oh, and that snot phobia? I didn't know such a thing existed, LOL.. You should always, always keep tissue in the car... :)

Amanda said...

Nose picking, gag.

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