Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A lesson in navigating a drive-through

In most drive-throughs, you drive up to a speaker where some underpaid peon wearing a crappy headset takes your order. Did you know that you can't drive up to one at a 90 degree angle? You can't pull up into a drive-through and have your windshield face the speaker. It doesn't trip the sensor if you do. I KNOW! SENSOR! Like, the sensor that "dings!" in our headset, letting us know there's a slack-jawed cretin who'd like to order a mocha choco latte ya ya. Contrary to popular belief, there isn't a small, green elf who sits on the outside menu, waiting for a car to pull up to the general vicinity of the speaker, and then runs inside to let us know someone else can't figure out how to trip a drive-through sensor.

Okay. So if you don't trip the sensor, we don't know you're there, waiting, for like, ohmigawd, ten minutes. What do you think your next plan of action should be? ABSOLUTELY you should pull up to the window and honk. But I'm going to tell you right now, that because it's THREE MINUTES UNTIL CLOSE, all the little peons inside the store are busting ass trying to get everything clean and ready for open the next morning, so it's possible, slightly possible, that someone is not standing directly in front of the window waiting for your honk. I know. It's sheer craziness. And since in this cleaning/readying process it may be noisy in the store, with vacuuming, mopping, and the screaming that takes place because WOOT! we only have three minutes!, we may not hear your honk either.

But then you should definitely come into the store. Yes. Even though you have your pj's on. Even though you only have six teeth to your name. Definitely come in, now two minutes until close, and order five drinks. And make sure to bitch wildly about the fact that you were waiting! for ten minutes! (Seriously? I'd have waited four minutes, tops.) and you honked! but no one came! honked and WAVED!

We'll still make your drinks, smiling through gritted teeth. But listen. You're not getting free drinks, even though I'm well aware that you were hinting at that. You'll get an apology and a quick lesson in navigation like, "Maybe you didn't trip the sensor. That happens sometimes." And I am SO blogging about your dumb, toothless, pj-wearing ass so that others can learn from your stupidity mistake.


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