Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Three kids + fighting + screaming = bleeding ears

So Christmas was lovely and fun. The kids had a blast, and I've been busy drooling over and buffing and loving the new set of cookware I got. I know. Cookware. But it's some kickass Wolfgang Puck cookware, and it's heavy-bottomed and oven-proof and SO SHINY.

Things are slowly getting back to normal here, but I'm sure all won't be completely right until Big D goes back to school next Tuesday. Seriously, who starts school on a Tuesday? How weird is that? And why won't he quit making Smella shriek at the top of her lungs all day? And why won't she fucking NAP so I get at least an hour reprieve in the afternoon?

The mutha effing tree is still up, and I have no idea when I'll have time to take it down. Oh, sure, I could do it during the day, but the husband is at work. That means I'd have to do it all by myself. He's the one who usually hauls the boxes in and out of our storage shed while I carefully and lovingly pack the boxes up. From the couch. In the warm. So you can see where doing it alone would be a problem.

So there's my attempt at blogging again. I know, right? Lame. I promise to post something substantial and brilliant later. At least by Friday. Yeah. Or something. I have to go caress a stock pot now.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Random Tuesday thoughts


1. I went Friday for an upper right quadrant ultrasound. For my gallbladder. They made me strip down to underwear and wear a gown for said ultrasound. I'm not sure why I couldn't wear pants.

2. They called and left a message later that they would like to talk about removing my gallbladder. I'm not dealing with this until after Christmas, and they can't make me.

3. Last night at work, we were down to only a couple of gallons of milk. The only thing worse would be to run out of coffee. I went to the local grocery store and purchased sixty gallons of milk. Note to all assholes: Your little comments were not necessary, especially the douche who asked, "Got milk?"

4. The milk delivery truck got there about five minutes after I'd unloaded sixty gallons of milk.

5. I don't go back to work until Saturday, and it's a good thing. I'm two steps away from burning the joint down.

6. It's too cold.

7. I have to run now because a certain 19-month-old is dumping the contents of my purse onto the floor. Soon he'll be tarting himself up with all the lip gloss and maxing out my credit card. Floozy.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


It's weird. Christmas is next week, yet I feel so freaking...relaxed. School is over, finally. I only have a few days left of work, and then I'm off pretty much all of next week. My shopping is done, and the majority of it is wrapped. All I have left is to cook and bake what I want and enjoy the babies.

And, oh, the babies. Big D of course absolutely "gets" Christmas. And I know I only have a year or two before the whole gig is up. Not that it stops being fun for him, but I know from experience that a tiny part of the magic is gone. I'm taking advantage of his naivete while I can.

This is the first year that Smella completely understands Christmas. We get gifts, we give them, Santa comes, cookies, wrapping, secrets...she loves it all. She one hundred percent believes, and it's so much fun to watch.

Boobers comprehension is limited, but he's loving the decorations and ornaments and exclaims "WOW!" at every light, bauble, and bow. I can't wait to see his face on Christmas morning when I finally let him open the presents I've been trying to salvage from his baby hands all month. I'm not sure he'll know what to do with himself.

So for the next week, I'm going to immerse myself in the holiday. Watching and feeling it through my babies' eyes makes it magical and breathtaking again. And instead of rushing around and running myself ragged, I want to slow down, drive around and look at lights, bake cookies with the kids, sing "Jingle Bells" at the top of my lungs, watch Christmas movies, and actually enjoy myself.

It should be a nice change of pace.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Random Tuesday thoughts


1. I know, right? Maybe I'll just post on Tuesdays. It makes things easier.

2. I went to my family doctor yesterday because all last week I kept having this searing pain under my ribcage and around my back intermittently. It looks like I have a bum gall bladder, but I'll know for sure on Friday.

3. Friday was my 30th birthday, and I can't tell you the asshole 30th birthday cards they make out there. And I know, because I got like, four of them. HA HA. Real funny, guys.

4. Yesterday after the doctor had examined me, he said, "Well, in people your age..." WHAT? SAY THAT AGAIN, BITCH.

5. I may be a bit touchy.

6. I've pretty much given up eating because everything seems to aggravate my gall bladder. (Jesus. I sound like I'm 90. Next I'll be telling you about my recent bowel movements and my hammertoe). Anyway, it's almost Christmas, and what with all the fudge and cookies and ham and candy hanging around, I'm pretty sad.

7. I've taught my 19-month-old "shoo." As in, "You talkin' all crazy again. Shoo." And Smella let out a "Oh, snap!" yesterday after I threw a particularly good barb and the husband.

8. The place where I work used to put red sprinkles on their holiday pepperminty drinks. They've given them up this year, and I don't know why. But what's hilarious is when a customer came back up to the counter, took off her lid, and asked for red sprinkles. She was well over the age of six, and I told her to grow the fuck up and go away.

9. No, I didn't. I apologized and told her the chocolate shavings we use instead are just as yummy.

10. Except they aren't.

11. I'm going to quit now. Shoo.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Random Tuesday thoughts


I should've done this a long time ago, but in case Keely hasn't noticed, I can be waaay lazy. (I'm sure she has but is way too polite to say anything.) I'm also not big on following rules, so while I'm posting completely random things, they have to be numbered. I hope this doesn't get me kicked out of the RTT club. (I'm totally shortening it to RTT because it's too much to type out. See? Lazy.)

1. Our Wii came yesterday. I can foresee many sleepless nights ahead. I'm also thinking I may lose a few pounds; that boxing kicks my ass.

2. I only have a couple things to buy, but then I'm done Christmas shopping. Then all I have to do is wrap the mountainous pile of gifts. I adore wrapping presents.

3. I hate winter SO MUCH.

4. Have I mentioned I have a cat? I think I have. Anyway, she's a cat, which is why I don't post much about her. She's an old fart now, ten years old, and she spends most of her time hiding from the kids. She comes out at night when they're asleep and does cat things...like shedding, licking plastic bags, and stalking random things. She also adores curling up on anyone's lap and purring, so that's why I let her stay.

5. In three days I'll be turning 30.

6. I can't tell you how much #5 bums me out.

7. The husband informed me that he's happy I'm turning 30 so that I can be old like he is. I really sort of think he sucks sometimes.

8. I have to go study now. For a psychology final. I only need 50/150 points to get an A in the class.

9. I think I'll probably just go play Wii instead.

Monday, December 08, 2008

An Early Morning Flight

I wrote this as a "radical revision" in my English Comp class. I radically revised the first paper I wrote for that class, which was a compilation of How I met the husband. This paper is written from my mom's perspective. Since I'm feeling lazy and worthless and thought I'd better post something on this poor blog, here you go.


I sat and blinked, bleary-eyed, as a sipped at my cup of coffee. It was nearly 6 o’clock on a warm Friday morning in June. The sun was already up, and I could hear my daughter in her bedroom, stuffing things into her suitcase and zipping it up. I was trying to wake up enough to drive her to the airport.

In a moment, she came down the hall, dragging her suitcase and small carry-on with her. She saw me and smiled.

“Are you awake?” she asked.

“Almost,” I replied, giving her a wan smile.

She grabbed the keys to my car and went to the garage to load up her luggage. My smile disappeared, and I stared into my dark pool of coffee. She needed to be at the airport by 6:30, and her flight was due for take-off at 7:30. I would be driving her to Indianapolis International and then seeing her off as she flew to Arkansas to stay for a week.

I wasn’t sure exactly how I felt about it, but I think “dread” was the best term to use. She had met a man over the Internet nearly five months before. I had met the husband, and I liked him immediately, but he lived almost 600 miles away. I could tell that Kelly adored him, and while I was happy for her, it also scared me to death.

“We need to go soon,” Kelly said as she came back into the house.

I nodded and finished up the rest of my coffee. She followed me as I took the empty cup to the kitchen sink.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I nodded and fought back tears. I slipped on my shoes and held out my hand to her for my keys.


We were quiet during the drive to the airport, both of us listening to early morning radio. I glanced over at her and saw how young she looked, radiant and excited. She was young, too young, but she was eighteen, graduated from high school, and by all means, an adult. I wanted to tie her up in her room and never let her leave, but I knew I couldn’t do that. I knew I had to let her make this trip.

I helped her check in at the airport, and we went and found the gate she would be departing from. We found seats, and she offered to get me a cup of coffee while we waited. I handed her a couple of dollars and watched as she walked away from me.

She was happy, and in turn, I was happy for her. But I couldn’t shake the feeling that this trip, this small, seven-day trip, was the beginning to so much more. I had already thought about all of this before; she was in love with this man, he seemed to love her, they lived 600 miles apart. Not all of the math added up, and ever since Kelly had been young she had always wanted to move away and explore the country. And while I’m thinking Arkansas was never really at the top of her list, I knew her well enough to know that she had a decent reason to go there anyway.

Kelly came back with my paper cup of steaming coffee and handed it to me as she sat down. She kept glancing over at me with a worried look on her face.

“Really, are you okay?”

“Mostly,” I answered.

“You’re not acting okay.”

I sighed softly. How could I tell her? She was so happy, so excited. Why should I ruin a trip for her? How could I tell her I didn’t want her to go, not even for a week? That I was afraid that after this week long trip she would decide she wanted to stay there with him? How could I tell her it would break my heart if she left and moved away permanently?

“I’m just…sorry to see you go,” I offered.

“Oh, it’s only for a week!” she cried, smiling. “It’s not like I’m leaving forever!”


I knew I was worrying her by being so quiet, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t tell her everything I was thinking. Even though she was eighteen and fairly mature for her age, I knew she wouldn’t want me blubbering in the middle of an airport about how sad I was. I could also tell she was holding back some of her excitement for me. She was thrilled to be flying by herself for the first time, and she was excited to be seeing the husband again.

Our relationship had been a bit strained for the past year. She met the husband online a few months ago, and since then it had been a whirlwind. He had flown to Indiana to take her to her prom. She had been staying up into the wee hours of the morning to chat with him, either online or over the phone. If I questioned her, she was prone to blow up at me, using the good old standby of “You don’t understand me!” as a line of reasoning. And since our relationship was strained, she was kind of right. I had a pretty good idea of what she was feeling, but nothing was ever confirmed. I wasn’t sure what she was planning or what she was exactly thinking. All I knew was that she was in love, and kids in love can do crazy things, like moving far away from their parents.

They began announcing boarding for her flight. She stood up and grabbed her carry-on.

“Well,” she said, “I think this is it.”

I looked up at her. Eighteen-years-old, young, impressionable. My baby. I finally let the tears that had been threatening to escape flow.

“Mom! You can’t cry!”

I stood up and gave her a hug. She hugged me back fiercely.

“Can you call me when you get there?” I asked.

She told me she would call as soon as she landed and that she’d call later with her hotel room number. They announced her boarding row. She shifted her bag on her shoulder and grinned.

“Really, I have to go. That’s me.”

I grabbed her one more time and hugged her, telling her I loved her and to be careful and to call me and to be safe. She squeezed back.

And then I let her go.


Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Listy McListerson

1. Thanksgiving was lovely, as was the turkey, despite what the husband says. And only because of the holiday did I relent and let him have a slice of tart (that sounds dirty).

2. Black Friday was lovely also, and I got a good head-start on Christmas shopping. Neither one of us was trampled or witnessed anyone being trampled, so I consider it a success.

3. I have a psychology final next Tuesday and then I'm done done done! with this semester. Amen.

4. I started a Twitter account last week. If possible, I think I suck harder at updating it than I do my blog.

5. Keely tagged me for a bookworm meme. She specifically said I couldn't use textbooks, but it really is the closest book to me, AND she really isn't the boss of me or the meme. So there. Rules state:

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 56.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next two to five sentences.
5. Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book or the intellectual one. Pick the Closest.
6. Tag five people to do the same.


"It is this system that allows the brain and spinal cord to communicate with the sensory systems of the eyes, ears, skin, and mouth and allows the brain and spinal cord to control the muscles and glands of the body. The PNS can be divided into two major systems, the somatic nervous system and the autonomic nervous system."

Tell me that isn't fascinating.

I'm tagging the husband, Elisa, and Melanie.

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